Blueberries

Of course, the laptop that she composes diatribes like the most recent one, excerpted below, was purchased by us, the cellphone she uses to berate us is still being paid for out of our own pocket, and there is no law stating that we are obligated to front her money until the estate is actually closed. We purchased her ticket from Ann Arbor to Eugene, we put her up in a hotel in Chicago in transit because H was too scared of being searched (first time flying post-9/11), we paid for her dentistry, her new glasses, etc., etc. None of these minor issues matter, only that H is the center of everyone's universe, for ever, and for all reasons.

I know I should just ignore it all, since H is mentally ill, but years of watching D get worked up after being 'talked to' by H have taken a toll. We are going to be glad not to hear from H.

Here's the thing.

Since moving from Eugene a mere three weeks ago, my life looks like this:

My location is very 1940's Palm Springs.

However, I do not know how long I will remain here.

This depends entirely on my plans in progress, which require travel and perhaps relocation.

Since I love to travel and am comfortable with unpredictability and have little to relocate this prospect poses no problem.

Every morning I get up whenever I want, depending upon what occupied me the night before.

I then swim a half mile daily in the lap pool.

As a result, though I do not try, I am very tan, Indian colored.

My hair is very short, perfect for the American tropics.

I write well, (prose fiction nonfiction poetry) and a lot, every day.

There is a book in progress, at someone's request.

I too have a psychic, only she is unlike J, accurate, about many things, including you only to the extent necessary for my own success.

She tells me that very shortly I will be very famous, not of my own doing, through my work, someone will interview me, and that I will accomplish exactly what I have set out to do.

You however, will not be apprised.

Since I am psychic, I only go to her for reinforcement or refinement of what I already know.

I worry about absolutely nothing, instead I proceed with my plans.

My plans are all working out.

This due to seeds I planted while stranded in the no-man's land of Eugene, as opposed to, per your March 2005 suggestion, getting a grip on true hard reality and working a minimum wage job or if I did not, abandoning my unrealistic plans, and go back on government benefits.

Men, mostly famous, are most helpful along these lines, and intrigued by me, only by virtue of my self as conveyed over the telephone, via my own moxy and intelligence and view of the world and self-introduction to them, cold, for purely business purposes.

Twenty five year olds are asking me out.

Of course, I refuse.

I much prefer it as opposed to wasting valuable time when I could be thinking, (or should I say “ruminating” per the freak psychologist whom had never met me whose advice you heeded after at least one hour a year ago as to the fact that I obviously needed boundaries to be maintained and hence the monthly imposed stipend,) with someone entirely inappropriate.

I know that I am different and I love this as well.

I know that if I were not different it would not have been possible for me to be happy now, for I did this entirely alone past the plane trip to Chicago on July 2004.

On account of the way my life looks, the impact of the outcome of the estate as orchestrated by you has moved from the center of the universe to the periphery.

No more manipulation, threats, insults, insinuations, misplaced blame and unsolicited advice.

There is absolutely nothing else you can do to interfere with my inevitable progress and most interesting life, D.

As of September 20th 2005, it is over re your involvement in my life.

Evidently the real i issue was that you were unwilling to clean your own bathtub in order to make sure your sister had food for a week and could see what she was eating as well.

...Until I figured out the real definition of resources, one of which you have never heard,

As long as the topic of psychosis has reared its ugly head, best we think this through.

Since the definition of psychosis is one who cannot distinguish reality from illusion, by now, D, who exactly is psychotic?

Me, the hopeless dreamer who somehow managed to get over, or you, the realist with no dreams left who was certain I could never manage to fulfill my extremely, according to the wisdom of D, unrealistic expectations.

By the way, an FBI psychic, the kind they employ to find kidnappers, of national renown,not New Age thank God, told me many months ago when I was perplexed re what to do about you that in a past life I was the wisdom provider for an ancient tribe and that I should absolutely go with my gut.

She also told me in September 2004 in the midst of you original chaos re the estate to flat out ditch y our ass.

That you had turned cruel in middle age due to disappointment with your life and many years of jealousy of me because I was smarter and prettier than you and that you clearly intended to stand in my way in any way you could.

Guess I should have listened to her.

Oh well, D.

So much for my psychosis.

Hence you will no longer ever again interfere or be apprised as to my life,

Unless of course you read about it.

My life is my own, thanks to my own faith in myself and help from God, who by the way D, is bigger than you and S (ugh) combined.

I adore it and all of its possibilities.

About my time D.

I really did not have it.

Instead, I wandered down D's primrose estate path and garnered nothing, having abandoned my better plans for my to do lust for absolutely no reason.

After which of course, you accuse me of h having no plans in the first place.

Classic D, but just not interested any longer, way too transparent in comparison to any normal reality I now participate in.

Oh no D, anything but that...

Additional costs?//

Oh no...

Not that!

Whatever would I do?

Surely for example in comparison to coming back to life from brain damage and physical death in complete secrecy and then manipulation by a sister and her insignificant other who claimed to care, additional costs would be much worse.

So I guess in order to keep the cost down, the only thing you think you have left to threaten me with by now, I would have to keep relying on your generous dose of arbitrariness in order to merely survive as per usual...since after all my life according to you would never amount to much at all.

Surely by now I should come to grips with the fact that following your advice would be the best bet.

Let's look at the real issue of cost D

The cost of the carrot and stick routine and to add insult to injury your forbidding me to seek out a sane person to hold you to-your offer and rein you in re your inconsistency and arbitrariness.

Last time J got wind of this on August 8th I actually managed to get a real result with o only half the trouble, this due to you and S (ugh) playing Fed-ex games.

Let's look at cost again.

Here's how.

I sat down finally to do the numbers late this evening.

Right about then I noticed what time it was, 9pm.

I looked at my to do list, which included a call to someone far more than interesting and productive than you or JL which I h ad not had time to attend to due to these most pressing estate matters.

Also the promise of an intriguing affair with a most intriguing man re a message he left me went by the wayside temporarily due to these very important estate matters.

I remembered that despite my best efforts at sanity, that all of this work since Thursday enter D September 8th, I was in fact further behind than when I had begun this latest estate chapter with you, I had gained nothing along these lines whatsoever except aggravation to the level only possible when interacting with you D.

I did not even do my laps today, for the first time in three weeks except during Katrina.

The I remembered your poignant reason for withdrawing the advance offer: my arrogance and lack of appreciation for all of your hard work re this on my behalf.

Really, D.

Who in their their right mind would appreciate this treatment...

Admittedly you made some attempt at being human by surprising me with the offer of the $2000 advance, I was really happy.

Of course you could only maintain that disguise for two days before reverting to you real i identity of the carrot and stick routine then blaming me for identifying it for what it was.

Maybe with practice you could someday resume the costume of a human being, who knows.

They say anything is possible.

Back to the events of Wednesday evening.

I nonetheless attempted to review the numbers.

This per a series of counsels who pro bono unbeknownst to you as of a few months ago began specifically advising me to the tune of thousands of dollars had they charged me , once i described the egregious nature of the circumstances surrounding this estate saga.

Lawyer to lawyer.

You know what I mean D.

Me, your sister, the lawyer whose opinion you disregarded because obviously I must be according to you, in March 2005, psychotic and could simply not afford to ignore my obvious ILLNESS.

As soon as I did I got kind of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I tried again.

I then realized that the hours of detailed comparison with my meticulously kept files and deductive reasoning based upon the numbers you did provide me over these months as to what y you should be claiming.

the lawyers however told me that I would be given a specific listing.

You of course chose to provide only lump sums by category.

Therefore the process of my comparison would take hours on end.

And for what?

To discover the obvious, that this estate has been bungled from its inception in 2003 that you of course assumed I would never notice, since I am of course, psychotic and unable to fend for myself and even on the off-chance that I did I would be powerless to do anything since you had all of the resources, especially mine and I had none, and once I pointed anything out you would just accuse me anyway of creating my own circumstance.

And then what?

Since the amount i am even really due pales in comparison to what I could be getting if I had been doing what I was supposed to today, what would be the point.

Then I realized why I had that feeling in my gut.

Because this is a pure exercise in futility.

When I took a look , I noticed that only one thing had changed in the course of these past three weeks, during which I had never had this feeling.

You had contacted me and initiated your spiral of chaos and disruption.

By now I had assumed your m.o, wasting time on petty dramas of your manufacture, stooping to the level of your irrelevant priorities, and had in the process abandoned my own.

So I re-determined my priorities in order to escape this ongoing saga once and for all.

I will never again participate in my life according to your wishes.

One:

Quickly close this ridiculous chapter called the estate and you orchestrating the confusion.

Two:
Get the distribution check.

Since JS has told me and you the exact same thing re Tuesday, (I wrote copious notes) this should pose no problem whatsoever since he most especially told me that according to you fifteen minutes before O talked to him your most fervent desire was to quickly close this estate and distribute the money.

No problem D.

Seems for once we agree and we h have both been given the same set of rules through which to accomplish this by a third party, your own retained esteemed estate counsel and his sidekick, per his sidekick.

Once again, just reference my last email re handy instructions and please specifically confirm in writing via email asap that you fully intend to comply.

This should be absolutely no problem for you as well since it is after all your most fervent desire to finish this thing up.

Per my end, it is so very obvious to me by now that upon review of the Spreadsheet numbers they are close enough, especially in view of the immense relief it will ne to finally not have to deal with your interference any longer and

I FULLY APPROVE YOUR FIGURES PER THE SPREADSHEET AND AGREE THAT I HAVE BEEN PAID ALL THAT I AM DUE FROM BOTH ESTATES.

IS THAT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR D????
(AND S (TRIPLE UGH))

All that remains for me to do is to Fed-ex the waiver documents to JS by Friday am and to call him in the am to tell him I have approved the Spreadsheet so that he can file the pre-signed document on Monday with t he Court.

You just have to cut the check for Fed-ex Tuesday, and provide me a confirmation number in advance, so we can be done with this thing finally.

I prefer a bank check please, it is so much easier to cash.

Tomorrow is only Thursday, so you should have enough time to get one.

if not an estate check will do.

The bottom line is that I want some check fed-exed to me to arrive before 10:30am Wednesday September 21 2005.

The only other thing you will have to do per JS is to ask your accountant is an IRS filing is required, that is if any income was generated,

Apparently none was.

Double-check since I only got a Spreadsheet after all.

JS said you told him you could do this by before cob Friday, no problem.

I am supposed to talk with J for a nanosecond tomorrow crack of dawn.

Just in case.

About the cellphone.

If you wanted to be particularly nasty as of about now you could of course renege on your agreement re-that as well, available until November 1 I agree yo terminate it as of November 8 if earlier I g et a refund.

But by now, , what would be the point.

Understand me D, I am not arrogant .

Just unwilling to participate in your version of living transposed onto mine.

Since by now, contrary to your most closely held beliefs, my life suits me just fine.

I await your specific confirmation re the specifics to my Fed-ex'd receipt of my distribution on September 22.

Amount:
$5336

Per your email:
The bottom line is that you are owed (without the above)
approximately $4,936 - you have been given $34,753 to date (including the $975 that we are withholding for the phone as noted at the bottom of the spreadsheet).

$4936+400 (Verizon adjustment=$5336
(less small amount of fees to close the estate pro forma, only the filing of an already signed document by you is required which Sheehan will do.)

Provided i cancel my Verizon account before November 8th, a refund is required.

And a confirmation number.

I will provide the address once I receive your confirmation re the S specifics per my last email.

I assume the Verizon deal still stands, unless I hear otherwise.

I will, believe me, do my best to terminate it before November 8th.

Don’t worry D.

I am certain that when the history of deeds of import in the latter twentieth and early twenty-first century are considered, placing slogans on brown paper bags and shopping carts will be at the top of the list of contenders, as opposed to changing the world at large, which would be my ill-considered intention.

Bon chance D.